One Week.

It’s been one week; one week since I had a miscarriage. This past week has been one of the most emotional weeks of my life. It’s amazing the loss I feel after only 10 weeks of pregnancy. Marc & I already loved our little one and had hopes and dreams for him or her. We were overjoyed thinking about having another blessing from God and a sibling for Isaac. I’m not questioning why, for I know God has reasons beyond what I can comprehend. While I have been grieving over the last week, I have felt the comfort and peace only my Savior can give. He grieved over the loss of his friend, He was disappointed, He was frustrated and angry, He knows anguish and pain, He relates to me in a very real and personal way – that is the God that I serve.

Hebrews 4:14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens,[e] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

It is my time of need. I’ve cried each day. I’m not really sure how to process all of this. My baby died very early on in the pregnancy, even though I didn’t miscarry until 10 weeks 4 days. I believe it had a life, but it’s almost hard to even call it a ‘baby’. Did it have a soul? Will I see my baby in heaven someday? If we believe that in heaven it will actually be our same, but refined bodies, will my baby have a body? Why is the Bible so silent on questions such as these?

Each day is getting a bit better. There are still many moments of sadness and sometimes downright depression, but I am slowly able to accomplish daily tasks. Today I had about 2 hours where I got a ton done. It’s the first time I’ve felt productive in a week. And last night I actually played with Isaac – and not just from my position lying on the couch while Thomas the Train played to keep him occupied. I’m getting stronger.

I’ve decided to get a ring with an emerald in it to remember my little one who would’ve been arriving around May 17th, 2010 (Emerald = May birthstone). It will be a reminder of my child, but also a reminder of God’s providence and sovereignty. I will continue to trust in Him during the good and the difficult times. I just hope I don’t have too many more difficult times in the near future. October 2009 has not been the best of months, with this and the Quimby house and all the financial stresses that have come with that – bring on November.

Heidelberg Catechism Q & A 26

Q. What do you believe when you say,
"I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth"?

A. That the eternal Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who out of nothing created heaven and earth
and everything in them,^1
who still upholds and rules them
by his eternal counsel and providence,^2
is my God and Father
because of Christ his Son.^3

I trust him so much that I do not doubt
he will provide
whatever I need
for body and soul,^4
and he will turn to my good
whatever adversity he sends me
in this sad world.^5

He is able to do this because he is almighty God;^6
he desires to do this because he is a faithful Father.^7

Amen!

My blessings List

From the time that we discovered our Quimby street house to be such a mess, there have been countless blessings that we have seen & received. I decided to start a list.

Every day I am honestly questioning how this is all happening. I know that it is God's hand moving, but I feel so undeserving. There are so many other people who have issues way bigger than ours. Why have we been so blessed? I don't understand it, but I praise God for it and for using his church to minister to us in this time.

1. A lawyer friend (Mark VA) from church who was able to give me free advice about how to handle the situation & advised me to get the locks changed.

2. A locksmith who was cheap & came a 1/2 hour after calling.

3. Taking a wrong turn & ending up behind a plumbers truck, just after realizing I needed a plumber & didn't know who to call. He also came withing 1 hour of calling and was affordable.

4. My parents, my Mother-in-law Grace, Kelly H, Kelly B, Jane T, Jeni S, my pastor Steve, Kathy & Dennis S, DeWayne C, Molly T, neighobors from our Plymouth neighborhood; Misty & Larry, Kerri D; who have all come to help us in various ways. We already have others who are planning to help in the next few weeks.

5. My pastor, who is always looking out for me. He's on 'counter top duty' for the Quimby house and is planning on using some of his vacation next week to be at our house working. Seriously??

6. Drywall supplies, paint, primer, screening, cleaning supplies and lots of other things being given to us by friends.

7. Jane T, who's husband works at Holland Home had the epiphany of getting carpet through her hubbys work. When a new tennant moves out (or dies, I suppose) they re-carpet. They were tearing out some today which will find it's new home at Quimby street.

8. A dear friend, who I don't want to embarass by naming, gave us a loan to help with some of the expenses of all of this. This is HUGE! We were at the bottom of the barrel before this!

9. The administrative council from church is waiving our rent for a few months, until we are able to get renters in Quimby. This is also HUGE!!!!! Seriously, this will prevent us from missing mortgage payments, and will also enable us to not have to use our credit cards for this stuff.

10. Our insurance co is covering the water damage to our kitchen floors. We got the check today. After our $1000 deductible (which we DID NOT have to pay out of pocket) we got $1600 to pay for the repairs to our floors. WHOA!!!! We are required to spend $1000 on actual flooring supplies (no problem) and the rest is ours to do with what we want. This extra will help to pay for the kitchen cabinets & counter top which all have to be completely replaced.

11. The first day I went over to get the keys from our tenants, I met our new Quimby neighbors across the street, Mike & Tam. They are GREAT! We exchanged phone numbers and they have called a few times when it looks like there's people hanging around the house that shouldn't be. It's nice to have eyes on Quimby when we're on the other side of town.

12. PRAYER!!! We have so many people praying for us, and I truly feel strengthened by it.

13. This isn't related to the house, but yesterday I got the most encouraging email from a student that I've ever received. She's growing in her faith and passion for Christ and it is so encouraging to hear that youth group has been a part of that.

Before pics of our house:

There are a few after pics a few posts back...Here are a few more:

Blessed beyond belief

I feel like I'm on "Extreme Home Makeover" because of all the blessings I have received in the last few days. And because of how much I've been crying! :) I seriously want to video tape my life recently & put together a documentary of how good GOD is!

I've received so much prayer & emails just checking in to see how I'm doing. We've received several offers of help, as well as free stuff that we need for repairs and updates to the house. Last Friday several family and friends came over to help already. I've had two calls/emails about the house from potential renters. The elders spent time praying for our situation at the Elder meeting monday night. I've experienced God's providence as I 'happen' to be behind a plumbers truck right as I was remembering I didn't have a plumber to call. I had taken a wrong turn & ended up with a name & phone number staring at me through my windshield. I passed a sign (while having a breakdown) that said "This too Shall Pass". I'd like to think that was a little reminder from God at a time when I desperately needed it. And tonight, I can't even tell you the blessing I received.

I feel more at peace tonight than I have in a week. I have been reminded (once again) of God's provision. I am incredibly blessed and want to shout God's faithfulness from a mountaintop. If only we lived in Colorado or someplace with mountains. My blog will have to do for now.

A glimpse into my house

If only you could see the details of empty beer & alcohol containers + all the cigarette butts all over the place. Actually, be glad you can't.


They have used my house as a coloring book. :(

After changing the locks on Thursday night, we arrived Friday morning to find a guy sleeping on this mattress, which by the way, is in the dining room. Yeah, he's lucky I let him leave & didn't call the cops. I saved that for today.

So, my neighbor across the street called & said there were lights on in the house. I asked him to check the doors & low and behold, the back door is wide open. So, I called the cops to let them know someone had broken into my house. They beat me there & apparently stayed about 20 minutes (I had to drive from church & stop to get gas on the way) and had left when I arrived.

Haven't heard from them yet, so I'm not sure what the deal is.

Tomorrow morning the insurance person is coming to see if our home owners insurance will cover our ruined kitchen floors due to water damage. Please pray!