It’s been one week; one week since I had a miscarriage. This past week has been one of the most emotional weeks of my life. It’s amazing the loss I feel after only 10 weeks of pregnancy. Marc & I already loved our little one and had hopes and dreams for him or her. We were overjoyed thinking about having another blessing from God and a sibling for Isaac. I’m not questioning why, for I know God has reasons beyond what I can comprehend. While I have been grieving over the last week, I have felt the comfort and peace only my Savior can give. He grieved over the loss of his friend, He was disappointed, He was frustrated and angry, He knows anguish and pain, He relates to me in a very real and personal way – that is the God that I serve.
Hebrews 4:14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens,[e] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
It is my time of need. I’ve cried each day. I’m not really sure how to process all of this. My baby died very early on in the pregnancy, even though I didn’t miscarry until 10 weeks 4 days. I believe it had a life, but it’s almost hard to even call it a ‘baby’. Did it have a soul? Will I see my baby in heaven someday? If we believe that in heaven it will actually be our same, but refined bodies, will my baby have a body? Why is the Bible so silent on questions such as these?
Each day is getting a bit better. There are still many moments of sadness and sometimes downright depression, but I am slowly able to accomplish daily tasks. Today I had about 2 hours where I got a ton done. It’s the first time I’ve felt productive in a week. And last night I actually played with Isaac – and not just from my position lying on the couch while Thomas the Train played to keep him occupied. I’m getting stronger.
I’ve decided to get a ring with an emerald in it to remember my little one who would’ve been arriving around May 17th, 2010 (Emerald = May birthstone). It will be a reminder of my child, but also a reminder of God’s providence and sovereignty. I will continue to trust in Him during the good and the difficult times. I just hope I don’t have too many more difficult times in the near future. October 2009 has not been the best of months, with this and the Quimby house and all the financial stresses that have come with that – bring on November.
Heidelberg Catechism Q & A 26
Q. What do you believe when you say,
"I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth"?
A. That the eternal Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who out of nothing created heaven and earth
and everything in them,^1
who still upholds and rules them
by his eternal counsel and providence,^2
is my God and Father
because of Christ his Son.^3
I trust him so much that I do not doubt
he will provide
whatever I need
for body and soul,^4
and he will turn to my good
whatever adversity he sends me
in this sad world.^5
He is able to do this because he is almighty God;^6
he desires to do this because he is a faithful Father.^7
Amen!
Hebrews 4:14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens,[e] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
It is my time of need. I’ve cried each day. I’m not really sure how to process all of this. My baby died very early on in the pregnancy, even though I didn’t miscarry until 10 weeks 4 days. I believe it had a life, but it’s almost hard to even call it a ‘baby’. Did it have a soul? Will I see my baby in heaven someday? If we believe that in heaven it will actually be our same, but refined bodies, will my baby have a body? Why is the Bible so silent on questions such as these?
Each day is getting a bit better. There are still many moments of sadness and sometimes downright depression, but I am slowly able to accomplish daily tasks. Today I had about 2 hours where I got a ton done. It’s the first time I’ve felt productive in a week. And last night I actually played with Isaac – and not just from my position lying on the couch while Thomas the Train played to keep him occupied. I’m getting stronger.
I’ve decided to get a ring with an emerald in it to remember my little one who would’ve been arriving around May 17th, 2010 (Emerald = May birthstone). It will be a reminder of my child, but also a reminder of God’s providence and sovereignty. I will continue to trust in Him during the good and the difficult times. I just hope I don’t have too many more difficult times in the near future. October 2009 has not been the best of months, with this and the Quimby house and all the financial stresses that have come with that – bring on November.
Heidelberg Catechism Q & A 26
Q. What do you believe when you say,
"I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth"?
A. That the eternal Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who out of nothing created heaven and earth
and everything in them,^1
who still upholds and rules them
by his eternal counsel and providence,^2
is my God and Father
because of Christ his Son.^3
I trust him so much that I do not doubt
he will provide
whatever I need
for body and soul,^4
and he will turn to my good
whatever adversity he sends me
in this sad world.^5
He is able to do this because he is almighty God;^6
he desires to do this because he is a faithful Father.^7
Amen!
4 comments:
hey, I really didnt know. I 100% you will see this lil guy or girl in heaven. Here for you. <3
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. God works in mysterious ways and he had a plan for you and your family. Your in my thoughs/prayers. Love you Gretchen.
So thankful for your thoughts and your gospel centered outlook. God is so much bigger than us and His ways are so beyond us. Love you and wish I could be there with you right now.
I am so sorry, Gretchen. Know that you are not alone. You do know that of course (in your head), but know it with your heart, too. Think of your darling baby and my darling baby--Addie's beautiful twin, Zion--in heaven together. I don't know what it looks like, but I do believe they are there. And I believe my sister's father-in-law is swinging them in his long arms while they laugh with Jesus and are cared for by our Father. Until we can meet them and embrace this part of us that has gone before.
I love you.
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