Baby Driesenga should be making his or her appearance sometime between September 3 and September 9! My official doctor due date is 9/3, but according to the ultrasound, it is 9/9. We'll be using the 9/3 one to stay on the same dates as the doc, but I won't be surprised if I'm still pregnant well past that date! That puts me at 12 weeks tomorrow.
It's a whole different set of emotions with this pregnancy. Having experienced a loss in October, I have much more anxiety and fear this time. I don't feel like I've let myself get nearly as excited or really even attach myself to this life inside me yet. I think/hope that will change after today. I had my 2nd doc visit, and we were able to hear the heartbeat pumping away at 154/minute. We had an ultrasound at the 8 week appointment and were able to get a glimpse of our little one. I have now passed the point in my pregnancy when I miscarried last time (almost 11 weeks), so that was a huge milestone. I think it will seem a bit more real now that we're telling people and can share the excitement.
The other emotion with sharing this news is remembering my baby who did not make it, and also being mindful of other friends who have had losses recently. I remember after my miscarraige, it was really difficult to see blog posts or facebook status' about people's pregnancy progress. It put me right into grief mode again and while I wanted to feel happy for them, I was jealous and angry and confused. I realize that with my news, I may be causing others to feel those same emotions, and I wish I could prevent that with all my heart. I don't want to make it more difficult for others. I also realize that I wouldn't have wanted someone to not share their news because of what I had been through.
So, to my friends who have experienced a loss, and particularly my friend Sara, who is due in only a month, and already knows her little one will only live a matter of minutes or perhaps hours, I share my joy with you, but also grieve for the little ones who we will not get to share a lifetime of joy with.
Around Christmas, we sang the song "Away in a Manger". While I think the line " The cattle are lowing, The poor Baby wakes, But little Lord Jesus, No crying He makes" is a bunch of bull, another verse does touch my heart and bring me comfort. It brought tears to my eyes the first time we sang this during Advent, as I thought of my unnamed little one being cared for by Jesus.
Be near me, Lord Jesus,
I ask Thee to stay
Close by me forever
And love me I pray
Bless all the dear children
In Thy tender care
And take us to heaven
To live with Thee there
May we all feel the Lord near and remember his tender care for us, his children.
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4 comments:
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everytime i read one of your posts that i know comes from your heart i just get teary eyed and think about how grateful i am to call you friend and sister. i love you and pray that God will give you an abundant amount of joy in the coming weeks.
Gretchen, I got all teary eyed reading your post...and at first I said, yup, that's me she's talking about...but last night as I realized you were pregnant again I prayed and I felt comfort and also the hand of our Father up above reach down and touch my heart and I truly truly am VERY happy for you guys. I hope you get to the point in your pregnancy that you do leave it all up to HIM and not worry about anything, but rather enjoy the ride! Good luck and I can't wait to see the end God has already planned out!
Erin, I got teary reading your comment. You were definitely on my mind as I posted this. I've been continuing to pray for you guys. I know the pain doesn't just all of a sudden stop, and I certainly don't expect you to be 'over it' by now. Thank you for your sincere post & excitment for us. I can't wait to share in your excitment someday soon too. Love you!!
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