I want a beer.

Okay, Okay, I know having a drink will not change/solve anything. But after a day like today, having a cold drink does sound quite refreshing. Oh well. 6-7 more months before that will happen.

I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I am at a loss of what to do about Quimby. March is the 6th month of it sitting empty. 6 MONTHS of dealing with this stress. 6 Months of saturdays spent not as a family, but working on the house. 6 months of making minimum payments on everything instead of making progress on our debt. 6 months of desperate prayers. I am exhausted. And today, after having another no-show, I'm not sure I can keep it all together. I've been fighting to be strong, I've been trying to remain positive and hopeful, but I'm sinking fast.

Am I doing something wrong? We have been tithing regularly and I feel that we try to be faithful with our money - we don't go on extravagent vacations, we don't eat out unless it's with coupons or gift cards, we have family watch Isaac to save money... WHAT ARE WE DOING WRONG?

We have been praying for God's provision, praying for renters, and whether right or wrong, I have maybe said a prayer or two that God would stike down Quimby with a fire...yes, seriously.

I have been humbled by being in a situation of needing to take 'hand -outs' from friends, family and even the church. I have been humbled by having to email those same people week after week asking for help with Isaac, or help with painting, or whatever project we were working on at the time. It's hard to admit we can't afford to hire the work out. It's humbling. It's humbling to show our whole church family that we certainly do not live at the same level as most of them do. It's almost been embarassing for so many people to go to Quimby and see the neighborhood we chose to buy and live in. Everyone comments about how bad of a neighborhood it is, and that hurts to some extent. That's all we could afford, and I'm sorry it's not middle class. We are not middle class.

I sometimes feel like less of a person because of our situation. I'm just so done and so overwhelmed.

We need prayers desperately. I need prayers desperately. Especially today. I just can't handle it today.