Trying to Trust

I've realized how lousy I can be at trusting God. I am such a planner, a list maker, and an almost obsessive trying-to-figure-everything-outer, that being in a position with so many unanswered questions about our future is tough.

To prove my extreme planning nature: There are two positions open at a high school in St. Louis, MO. I've gone on the schools website probably 50 times. I've looked up the location on mapquest numerous times. I've looked up apartments/houses for rent to see what you get for your money. I've looked up the local seminary (which Marc and I would both LOVE to attend) to see if my classes would transfer. I've looked up parks nearby. I've got us packed & moved already, and Marc hasn't even applied yet!

And before you lecture me, yes, I know this is not a healthy behavior. Yes, I know the job market is tough and the likelihood of Marc getting the first job he applies for is not high. Yes, I know there is a chance he might not find a full time teaching job, or even a job at all. Yes, I know I'm romanticizing moving and starting over.

But how do I stop? I need to learn to trust God's plan rather than create my own. Easier said than done. I need to trust that God is Sovereign and in control of our lives and our family. Trust that he knows our future and where we will be. Trust that he will figure out our finances. Trust that he will provide what we need when we need it.

I feel like an Israelite.

How many times did God provide for them, lead them, prove his faithfulness to them, and yet time after time they created idols to worship, doubted, complained and stopped trusting.

God has certainly proved himself faithful. Now if only I can prove that I can surrender and trust him.