Korean food, Kalamazoo and a Fire

That is what my day has consisted of. Actually, a bit more than that, but those are the things that stick out to me.

I had a Missional Action Team meeting at 7:30am, but woke up at 6:50am with the doorbell ringing. Jung was getting picked up for his TOEFL test in Kalamazoo, but he didn't wake up. So, down to the basement, wake up Jung, back upstairs, lay in bed for 20 minutes, get up, go to meeting, come home. Then meal time with Isaac and off to drop him off at my sisters house so I could drive to Kalamazoo to pick up Jung. I got to Kalamazoo with no problems, but since he didn't actually know where he was going to be for his test, I drove around until he called. After about 45 minutes, we finally connected and headed back home.

After over 3 hours in the van and feeling like I had accomplished nothing throughout the day, I had little motivation to cook. So, we went and picked up Korean take out. We feasted, and although I can't completely tell the difference between Korean and Chinese food, it was good.

Now, Isaac is in bed and we're wrapped up blankets in the living room with a rip-roaring fire in the fireplace. It's calming to hear the sound of the fire - even if it is gas and the cool 'popping' noise of the wood is missing.

I had much higher hopes of what I would get done today. I'm getting really tired of having such a busy life. People (what people? I don't know...just people!) say that life never really calms down, and especially when you add more kids. Honestly though, I don't believe that is true in our case. Let's see...Marc's working full time and taking a full course load at Cornerstone. I'm working full time, which often means 45+ hours/week. Trying to be good parents. Hosting 2 exchange students.

I think when Marc is teaching (summers and breaks off!) and I can drop down to part-time or no work - even adding more children won't equal the chaos we have now.

I often get anxious and start to worry about our future. Will Marc really be done in 3 semesters? What then? Will we have to move for him to find a job? Will we go overseas for a year? Will we be able to sell our house if we need to move? When will child #2 be talked about? When will we reduce our debt enough for me to not have to work full time (even though I TRULY love my work and ministry)? Will we ever be debt free?

My sister and bro-in-law are reading a book for their small group called 'Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate', and she was in the middle of reading it the other day when I walked in to do some laundry (dryer is broken). The chapter she was reading was about anxiety, worry and frustration. In just her description of the chapter, God convicted me of my sin. I tolerate this sin so much in my life - it seems to be a part of who I am. I was reminded that it is not a healthy part, but a broken part of who I am, and I need the Lord to fix me. I am guilty of not trusting in the Lord and his plans for my familie's future. I have watched God unfold amazing paths in front of us, and offer us opportunities I would've never imagined. I've learned countless times that I can indeed trust the Lord, yet I revert back into my depraved nature and worry, doubt and become anxious.

I am forever grateful that our God shows us mercy when we fall short and grace we don't deserve. I am a sinner in need of grace, and I praise the Lord for the forgivness of sins.